Mental Health Talk: WakeMed Conversations

What’s going on in your child or teen’s world? It’s difficult to know. Young children may not have the words to name their emotions, while older kids may not want to open up. About one in five children aged 3 to 17 in America have a mental, emotional, developmental or behavioral disorder. That’s why it’s so important to check in on your child’s mental health.

Before you start the conversation

• Age-appropriate questions – Younger children may not have the words to name their emotions, while tweens and teens can talk about their specific worries.
• Focus on specific situations – Ask about weekly or daily highs and lows, or about school situations like lunch or recess.
• Create a conversational setting – Do not discuss mental health during an argument or heated conversation. Instead, wait for an opportunity when all is calm and you are close to your child, like riding in a car or sitting on the couch.
• Physical symptoms – Changes in your child’s sleep, appetite, energy or even body aches can signal anxiety or depression before emotional signs appear.
• Red flags – Seek immediate professional help for your child when they talk about harming themselves or others, have unexplained injuries, substance use, or overwhelming emotions they cannot control. Crisis services are available by:
  • Calling 988
  • Going to a local crisis center
  • Going to an emergency department
  • Calling Emergency Medical Services
• LISTEN – Let your kids talk without judgement. Use open, calm, neutral body language and resist the urge to immediately offer advice, roll your eyes, etc. After they tell you what’s going on, you may want to paraphrase what they said so your child knows you are listening.

Reading their responses

Green light responses – It’s a positive sign if your child can interpret their emotions, have coping strategies to deal with stress/difficult times and have people they trust and can talk to in their lives.

Yellow light responses – What is your child’s baseline behavior? If your normally confident child has started using negative self-talk like “I can’t do anything right” you might consider an appointment with your child’s physician.

Red light responses – Aggressive behavior, self-harm or the desire to hurt others or themselves, making statements like “I wish I was never born” are serious warning signs that require immediate help from a health care professional. Call 988, go to the emergency room or speak to your child’s doctor.

Conversation starters with your child (aged 6-11)

• Who did you sit with at lunch or who did you hang out with at recess?
• I see you are yelling/crying. Can you try to name how you’re feeling?
• What do you mean when you say your thoughts are jumbled/you don’t want to see your friends/(fill in the blank)?
• If your feelings were weather, what would today look like?

Conversation starters with your tween or teen

You can communicate with older kids at a more adult level, and they appreciate being spoken to that way.

• What is one high and one low from your week?
• What happened here? (pointing to a bruise or cut on your child)
• Who do you feel you can talk to when things get tough?
• Do you feel you have too much going on?
• How did you sleep?
• What helps you calm down when you feel stressed? Is it still working?